(pictures of my sweet Ali pie: 2 years old). Finally, it's Spring feeling out! Vitamin D heaven! Blooming trees, blue sky, fluffy clouds, sounds of lawn mowers, and the smell of meat on the grill, wafting through the easy veil of fresh cut grass and flower essences. I am completely ready to thaw out my icy cold demeanor. Winter freezes my spirit, along with my toes. As cliche as it sounds, I am ready for a rebirth. I have a tendency to mimic my moods with the seasons, so this is natural. Fresh air and Fresh Vibes, bring them to me! More of my candid thoughts tomorrow, but until then, here's a great song to fit the Celebration of Springtime:

Spring

Hello, I'm back. I am not going to rush into a picture, or a song link, or a current favorite outfit, that somehow exemplifies my total mood. I am going to ramble a bit nonchalantly. I want to venture out in an organic way. I want to elucidate my current state by the flow of the flow. I'm in a wobbly spot. I find myself completely saturated in soft buzzing chaos of thoughts when I get a moment. The feeling is uneasy, but cool, aloof, but moving, tired and ambitious. I think this is the wobble. I want to move, but I want to stay: the feeling of fighting to be on the hunting trail or the anticipatory defense. Both primal urges, like I have them from my late late late hunting and gathering ancestors. In other words,being intellectually trapped in my thoughts or activating my ideas by actual experiences: which way to go? and for how long? I have a tendency to feel guilty about whatever I choose to do, like I should be doing something else. This is an erroneous way to live...I'm over it. I have to turn off the fight or flight consciously and decide with certainty that the state I am choosing to be in, is right, and that state takes x amount of time, and that's the way it is. Everything takes the amount of time it takes and I cannot argue with that. So,the inability to be at ease is as far deep as my personality runs, taking the form of simple to complex anxieties. Point being, I'm always anxious. Always wobbling I guess. That being said, how am I now? I intellectualize emotions to their god particle:Higgs Boson. So here I am, in a tender spot. A tender spot, being an acutely aware self. I'm not even sure I can control how much I tend to focus. Hocus Focus! Letting go...being a gatherer of comedy and fun! I want to laugh more, laugh like it's second to breathing. Laugh, with the ease of rolling hills, leaf tornadoes, puddle ripples, and exhales. Yes, those are fine examples. I want to incorporate this laughing medicine until I can find the humor without it's attached sarcasm, but true whole and honest, hilarity that is life...in any given moment.