You will Laugh or Roll Your Eyes, But...

I am overhauling this journal again in it's infancy. I think my indecision fury is partly due, but by no means the main cause of my fuzzy brain receptors, to pregnancy brain. I know I want two journals, subconsciously knew, but I have figured out the best way to make this happen for myself to feel integrated and whole and all that is centering. This journal will only house my poetry. I haven't written anything new for awhile, a small Autumn poem back in Oct., but I know inside that I am neglecting my favorite way to communicate. Poetry makes me sane. I am going to start archiving my favorite past poems and those that are born in the future. I have a few fun ideas on transfering my spiral bound poems of the past. Stay tuned.

Keep going to To: BE for everthing else going on in my life, my family life, and my life with friends. I would like to say I'm certain of this change's permanency, but I must say there is a miniscule chance it could change again. Let's not count on it though!

I think

You can sense a humble spirit like you can smell clean laundry being pumped from a house.

Dwell Studio Pillows -- Get on My Couch!

I'm going to talk in a circle for a minute -- I warned ya. Ok, so as much as I love big cities & downtown life (even in a small town), I believe if you took my heart out, looked into it's metaphorical eyes attached to it's metaphorical body, you would see that it's really happy in quiet solitude, wind wrapping around big open spaces, and trees rustling instead of people and buses bustling. To see a bit of Wilderness, but still be close enough to somebody else in case I need a little sugar or want to know their secret to growing such pretty flowers. I have pushed the country living in a clandestine place and like a beach ball you try to hold in the water it gives way with it's buoyancy and a top it floats, fully colorful, alive, and true. "Hi! you want to live in the country", my heart says. Let's get something straight, the country I'm talking about is probably or is a city lover's idea of the country. I still want to be in the suburbs but with wilderness patches and not so far up a steep hill, just a little winding ways from the hubub of town. I have also noticed with some inexplicablness that I am adhering to the modern country designing as well. It's very Wabi Sabi, shabby sheek, an elegant piece thrown in here and there for contrast, and a lot of the times bright colors popping amongst the beat up woods. For months I have been loving Country Living Magazine. They always are talking about antiques, showing room transformations, domestic homeade goodies and recipes, what produce is in season and how to use them, ... I could go on and on. Apparently, it speaks to me: the country and the magazine. Anywho, in the latest edition: Feb. 2010, the bargain issue, there is a couple of pillows on the front from Dwell Studio for Target. Bright yellow flowers! Check it out here. I have researched and found they will be in stores on Valentines Day. I know what I want for my birthday!

Ok, time to get ready for my day!

In between the lines of my list Today.

• Take at leat one photo with my new Nikon DSLR3000 camera.
• Spend my i-tunes cards even if my i-tunes burning component isn't working still. I haven't dipped into the music scene for way too long. Not even sure what's going to allure me. *funny side note conversation last night: Jonathan: "Nicole, just admit it...you like The Black Eyed Peas." Me: "Why have they drug me in?"
• Paint my nails that OPI sparkly brown Hanna got me for Christmas.
• It's time to clean the upstairs i.e. dust and sort.

Couch {internet} Surfing.

I really like this sofa for our living room. It's Ikea of course, as is most of the furniture in our home. I really dig the shape of the legs and most importantly for our family lifestyle the cover is removable and washable! holla! Now, I just have to see if the husband likes. Originally we wanted leather(maybe Jonathan still does), but it's so darn expensive and this should hold up with the tikes. KARLSTAD * loveseat and chaise lounge.

I want to soak in this.

Tokyo Milk Bon Bon Bubble Bath

Lucky for me, there is a store here in Marietta on Front Street, called Simple Pleasures that sells this. Yesterday on Rachael Ray this brand of bubble bath, according to some 2010 predictor lady,is going to be a hot product for the year. I am smitten with the package and container, but they are also detox bath soaks with green tea and other plants. This particular one is made with green tea, citrus zest, rosewood, mimosa (eww la la), and mandarin. Can't you just imagine how lovely all of those ingredients would be summoning your nose via a steaming hot bath? Yum.

*click the brand for a site to buy!

Candles Burning. Mind steaming. Happiness.

I prefer 30 degrees or higher during Winter. With our old cracked windows in the kitchen especially it's down right blistering in my favorite room. We have a thermometor outside our kitchen window, installed by the former owner, and I must admit I am pretty obsessed with looking at. It's truth. It was maybe 15 degrees around 6a.m.

To start out by saying there's a lot on my mind --most always is the case. I just like to say that when I haven't been posting reguarly, and geer the reading audience for a varied palette that is part stream of consciousness - part back up the dump truck and dump mental inventory here.

The New Year brings me into thinking about myself again. I'm most grateful for the reminder this year as I have been so shockingly suprised at how much I have ignored,and after so much time, forgotten the little things that make me happy. I am a mother, selfless, as is what you are when you have a child, but one thing is for sure... YOU MUST MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF AND LOVE YOURSELF TOO! Currently, as I have come to realize in my depressed state that I haven't been making myself happy(of course when you're sad you realize you're not happy) I am literally hand out greeting myself again. How are you? What do you feel like doing? What interests you now? This is laborous, as you just can't flip a switch into change. The switch is heavy, slippery, difficult to grasp, but eventually you flip into a different channel and the light is on. Birthing the change, here I go.

1. Starting with cleaning up our rooms. Organizing my closet. Getting shoe bins for my shoes...I went to Walmart yesterday(we don't have a Target here ;( ) and I noticed shoe bins that lock and would fit on my shelf perfectly so I wouldn't have lopsided shoes or have awkardly stacked shoes. I really like when things fit and are neat and tidy. Bins are making me happy these days. I am putting Sylvia's little toys and notebooks in them...such relief.
2. Candles. I am craving Lavender candles and coffee smelling candles. I have wanted this Lavender Diptyque candle for a few years. It's not cheap, and I believe burns pretty quickly because it's oil based. It's the best Lavender I have ever smelled. If you have anxiety--get this and burn on those days you really need a spirit lift and a calming agent. I have daydreams of soaking in a tub, listening to Sigur Ros, and burning this candle. I also bought this tiny tin filled with Jamaican Blue Ridge coffee scented candle in you guessed: Jamaica. I think this site is has the candle I purchased. It is energizing as much as it is soothing.

There's more that I am reacquainting myself with, but for now I must go scamper upstairs and start putting clothes away, get rid of pesky dust bunnies, and apply my make-up before Sylvia wakes up from her nap. Even if I know I'm not going outside today, I still want to feel pretty. I am going to ask Jonathan if we can get a thin crust veggie pizza from Pizza Hut tonight and watch a movie.

I dreamt last night of my elementary playground. I walked over to a circle maybe outlined in chalk or was already painted there. Inside was a triangle. I stepped inside, sat Indian style,and began to meditate. However, there was the nuance of a feeling that someone was watching me. Some man up by the doors. Far enough away to be blurry, I tried to channel my solitude again. Even in a dream, once you notice you are being noticed, you can't quite feel authentic or aligned with yourself again. I remember thinking, lucidly, hmmm? a triangle--isn't that a symbol of some kind of power? What does this mean? (yes, I was trying to decode my dream while dreaming). I tried to shrug of the onlooker and my dreaming self who seemed to butt in as well. That's a stretchy thought to think of yourself in two entities. I, probably the dreaming me, decided to revel in this atmosphere of yellow haze and perfect balmy temperature. There was more after that but I was just taken with my delicate stance inside a triangle and the meditation that tried to occur. I think, the dreaming me, really needed that peace and warmth albeit interrupted by the abstract blurred painting of a man peering down on me. He was literally like a smudge in the atmosphere-- a blemish to the tranquil yellow around me.

...Welcome! Brewing a new update soon...Keep stopping by. This is the only filler update I will have as it is my new Grand Opening!!...